 The purpose of this compilation is to warn the good people of NDN country of the
In Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan on June 4, 2000, Pow Wow M.C. A. Nudder Running Joke alerted our investigative team of a possible wannaB encounter that became a watershed for our study of the nature and reality of wannaB/Human Being interaction. On that humid summer evening, around dinner break, a 15 year old grass dancer, Rocky Many Snags returned from the dance arena, light brown with fear, declaring to his half-believing uncle, Mr. Running Joke, that he had experienced paralysis and a mumbling in his head and believes he lost consciousness after an encounter with some strange beings at the Pow Wow. On reliving the incident, back at the Super 8, Mr. Many Snagz declared that he had been struck by several beams of bright light that seemed to appear from nowhere. He also recalled a communication from one of the beings who reassured him that he would not be harmed and that the beings just wanted to examine him. Mr. Many Snagz reported being probed by several of the beings who inquired about the meaning and symbolism of his regalia. Upon further investigation, Dana Doubtful and Vox Skeptic discovered that Mr. Many Snags had indeed encountered several wannaBs of the German Hobbyist category. Their objective appears to have been to capture his likeness for a cultural simulation to be presented to other wannaBs back on their home planet of Bavaria. The wannaB who probed Mr. Many Snagz was attempting to collect some authentic earth children designs for a children's coloring book he was planning to distribute to others of his kind. The bright beams were video recording devices which the beings intended to use to study Mr. Many Snagz in hopes of being able to re-create earth habits and culture back on the home planet in a Re-enactors base camp. The strange language the beings were speaking which caused brain paralysis in Mr. Many Snagz was a mixture of German and psycho-babble. Several days after the encounter, Mr. Many Snagz displayed strange markings on his neck. They were red and approximately 1.75 cm in length. He claimed to have no idea how they got there. Further investigation revealed that the markings were not wannaB in nature, but were likely caused by Mr. Many Snagz new friend, a fancy shawl dancer named Iwanna Many Snagz. The two may be cousins. Despite this revelation, there can be no doubt that this was a genuine wannaB sighting. Investigators Note: Dana spoke at length with this witness and found him to be exceptionally lucid, objective and hot. She invited Mr. Many Snagz to visit her hotel room to for a private interview to further investigate the cause of the strange markings. Attached Expense report: 4 super-sized meals at McDonalds.
This wannaB sparked much excitement and speculation among the Pow Wow participants, some of whom called for an A.D. to intervene. Grand Traverse Bay resident, Chizzy Smith attempted to capture the wannaB encounter on film, but by the time he had enough money together to get the film developed, it had deteriorated. In the interest of inter-planetary harmony, the A.D. agreed to let the wannaB dance in the Grand Entry if it agreed to stop talking to people about Atlantis and the star people for a while and if it would put on some shoes. Eventually, a harmonious compromise was reached with the alien creature. Another strange phenomenon was reported by the attendees that day. After being allowed to dance in the Grand Entry, no one ever saw or heard from the wannaB ever again. This case remains unsolved. The identity of this wannaB remains unknown.
This wannaB sighting occurred in
conjunctions with a cluster of sightings in Michigan's Upper Peninsula in June
of 2000. The principal adult witnesses offered testimony to our sister
organization, NUFON (Native Unmasking Foolishly Obsessive Nuts). According to
Izzy Pointing-With-Hiz-Lipz, he and his wife, Ophelia Manhood, were attending a
Pow Wow at Uall State Park. All the witnesses were looking out into the
direction of a dirt road, expecting their cousins to return from a refreshment
run. As their attention was focused on the road, the witnesses noticed two
luminous white objects. The two objects appeared to be traveling together. They
were described as being long and thin in shape. Their apparent size was
estimated to be between 5 foot 10 inches and 6 foot. The objects reportedly
moved in a straight line from the South/South West to the North/North East at a
constant rate estimated to be between 10 and 12 mph. No sound was heard and the
object left no trails. The witnesses all agreed that the objects were radiating
a bright white light. The color was described as "intense white". The
witnesses reported that they watched the object for approximately another 15
minutes as it approached the Pow Wow grounds. Despite all the people present,
the object approached the main gate. When it came closer, witnesses reported that
the objects were two nude wannaBs who appeared to be pale and malnourished from
prolonged unemployment, riding a tandem bicycle. The more aggressive of the
pair approached the Pow Wow committee dressed in nothing but a crown of
dandelions and attempted to negotiate admittance to the Pow Wow with a handful
of sticks and acorns. Witnesses reported that the creatures were nearly
hairless and did not display any secondary sexual characteristics. "They
were people of pallor alright", commented Mr. Pointing With His Lipz,
"I don't think they had any genitals a'tall, but then they coulda been
white guyz" The Pow Wow committee detected a strong smell of marijuana on
the other creature, who began giving a speech to a traditional dancer about how
immoral it was to wear fur. He also voiced his complaints about the lack of
bicycle lanes in the U.P. The creatures did not appear to possess or understand
the concept of earth currency. They offered to barter positive energy for
admittance and relayed long stories about their past lives as earth warriors.
The Pow Wow committee reported a loss of time while the creatures were talking
and felt they were being hypnotized. The next thing the witnesses recall was
the Chippewa County Sherriff escorting the creatures to Yooper hospitality at a
local facility.
Investigators note: The mission of these wannaBs remains unknown. Agent Skeptic theorizes that it may have been to keep earth people unproductive and stoned so that alien invasion could be facilitated.
Spectators at the UNAO Pow Wow
reported a bizarre acting wannaB at the annual Aggie Pow Wow. They reported an
extremely rare sighting of an African-American wannaB dressed in a brightly
colored baggy costume made of Kinte cloth and merchandise from the Walt
Disney's the Lion King. He appeared to be engaging in some type of
wannaB mating ritual. "I've never seen anything like it!" said
Seymore Dan-Ewe from Demming, NM, "He jumped into the fancy shawl
competition and started thrusting his pelvis in and out! At first I thought he
was some sort of performance artist, or like a mud-head clown!" recounted
Hope E. Goes Away, "He wasn't even on beat, and he didn't even stop when
the drum did!" "He musta got lost on his way to Roswell!"
"I was workin in da kitchen when he approached me." Said Gramma Dawn Play Dat from Chinle, Arizona. "He said he was lookin for an earth woman with long straight hair who would make him feel like a king! I told him I'd make him feel my fist if he didn't git oudda my kitchen and let me git deez popovers ready!" Several witnesses reported that the strange object moved from woman to woman at the Pow Wow trying to collect their telephone numbers. Witnesses weren't sure if it was a part of an extensive information collecting mission or if the wannaB was just living in some sort of fantasy world. "It was amazing, one lady would reject him and then he's just go flyin off in another direction!" said Dawn Play Dat. "Yeah, we saw him flyin from woman to woman. And a couple of minutes later he was flyin through the parking lot" said members of Bear Clan Security who wished to remain anonymous. Investigator's note: The wannaB was later apprehended and interviewed by an officer with the Dona Ana county sheriff’s department. The wannaB explained that he was just trying to get in touch with himself and promised not to do it in the men's room anymore.
Spectators at the UNAO Pow Wow
reported a bizarre acting wannaB at the annual Aggie Pow Wow. They reported an
extremely rare sighting of an African-American wannaB dressed in a brightly
colored baggy costume made of Kinte cloth and merchandise from the Walt
Disney's the Lion King. He appeared to be engaging in some type of
wannaB mating ritual. "I've never seen anything like it!" said
Seymore Dan-Ewe from Demming, NM, "He jumped into the fancy shawl
competition and started thrusting his pelvis in and out! At first I thought he
was some sort of performance artist, or like a mud-head clown!" recounted
Hope E. Goes Away, "He wasn't even on beat, and he didn't even stop when
the drum did!" "He musta got lost on his way to Roswell!"
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WannaB Sighting Report
#494953
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Occurred:
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Tucson, AZ
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Reported:
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January 1, 2003
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Posted:
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February 1, 2003
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Location:
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New Year's Pow Wow Rilllito Park
Raceway in Pima County
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Shape:
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unable to discern as wannaB never
stopped spinning
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Classification:
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Crystal Toting Gen X Culture
Vulture
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Duration:
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30-35 minutes (but it seemed like
much longer
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A gourd dancer from Chinle Arizona attending the 7th annual Indian world's fair in Tucson, Arizona related this account to our investigator Vox Skeptic. He gave this account:
After the Gourd dance, everyone cleared the arena and the Aztec dancers were about to perform. Before they could get set up, a strange creature appeared in the area. She was wearing a tie-dyed skirt, a Mexican blouse, a Guatemalan scarf and a floppy wizard's hat with big stars and moons on it. She had green fringed leather boots was wearing more silver and turquoise jewelry than was for sale at the whole Pow Wow. She had a unicorn painted on her forehead and her armpit hair was braided real nice in three neat rows. She started yelling "Blessed Be" and she runs out into the circle. She throws her head back, stuck her arms out and started to spin around. Then she did a couple moves from Madonna's Vogue video. Next thing you know she goes out of the circle and comes back with this six foot long wand with the biggest crystal I ever saw on the end of it. She started dancing around and swinging the wand at people trying to cleanse everybody of their negativity.
Her hair was bright orange. It was almost too bright to look. She was rotating fairly fast so I couldn't get a real good look at her. I looked over at the speaker's stand and the M.C. and the A.D. seemed to be frozen in time. No one was moving. Everyone was just frozen in one spot with their mouths wide open. It was as if the wannaB had paralyzed their brain muscles!
After she finished spinning, the wannaB slowly descended down towards the port-a-potties. She started speeding up and just shot off rapidly into the distance.
The next morning I said to my snag, "Did you see dat ting yesterday?" A bright rotating orange thing right in front of the speaker's stand?" Now whenever somebody says that they've seen a wannaB, I know it's true. I know it's true because I've seen one myself!
WannaB Sighting Report
#494954
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Occurred:
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Ottawa National Forest
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Reported:
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June 18, 2002
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Posted:
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September 17, 2002
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Location:
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Gogebic and Ontonagon Counties
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Shape:
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Massive covering two counties
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Classification:
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Drainbow Chain-Smoking Paradigm
Shifters
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Duration:
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2 months (but it looked like much
longer
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While looking for medicine in the
Ottawa National Forest in June of 2002, a Lac Vieux Desert grandmother and her
grandchildren were startled when they heard a loud and thunderous roar coming
from a nearby clearing. The described the noise as sounding like a cross
between a frat party and a pre-school after a field trip to a candy store. The
followed the smell of marijuana to the area where the noise emanated and
encountered a large group of wannaBs hooting and whooping in the style of a
Hollywood movie. They creatures were banging on pots and pans and plastic tubs.
One of the wannaBs approached the grandmother wearing nothing but a red and
white striped cat-in-the-hat hat and offered a drag from the strange smelling
cigarette he was smoking. He then tried to persuade her to give him some money
so he could buy more cigarettes. Her dogs were frightened by the strange
creature and tried to bite its leg. Some of the other creatures approached the
group attempted to impersonate the children of earth. They claimed to be from
the Rainbow tribe and advised the group that they were trying to affect a
paradigm shift. They invited the grandmother to a tribal rave and asked her if
she knew where they could obtain some hallucinogenic substances.
At this point, the grandmother and her grandchildren ran for safety. They returned to their reserve and did not venture out until the next day when they contacted the tribal police. Tribal police reported howling in the woods for months around the time of this sighting.
Agents Doubtful and Skeptic were notified of this case approximately two months after the occurrence. The creatures had abandoned the area, but out investigators did uncover many slant trenches, tons of waste, uncovered indigenous artifacts, strange piles of rocks, rolling papers and many Grateful Dead t-shirts. The meadow and wetlands surrounding the forest appeared to have been disturbed by a powerful force. However, the pattern of the disturbance did not resemble traditional crop circles.
Investigator's Note: The Drainbo is the most ecologically dangerous of all classifications of wannaB. Extreme caution should be employed when approaching this wannaB.
At this point, the grandmother and her grandchildren ran for safety. They returned to their reserve and did not venture out until the next day when they contacted the tribal police. Tribal police reported howling in the woods for months around the time of this sighting.
Agents Doubtful and Skeptic were notified of this case approximately two months after the occurrence. The creatures had abandoned the area, but out investigators did uncover many slant trenches, tons of waste, uncovered indigenous artifacts, strange piles of rocks, rolling papers and many Grateful Dead t-shirts. The meadow and wetlands surrounding the forest appeared to have been disturbed by a powerful force. However, the pattern of the disturbance did not resemble traditional crop circles.
Investigator's Note: The Drainbo is the most ecologically dangerous of all classifications of wannaB. Extreme caution should be employed when approaching this wannaB.
WannaB Sighting Report
#494955
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Occurred:
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OU Stomp Dance & Powwow Lloyd
Noble Center Norman, Oklahoma
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Reported:
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April 13, 2002
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Posted:
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May 25, 2002
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Location:
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Cleveland County
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Shape:
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extremely long and thin
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Classification:
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Lone-Nutter Conspiracy Theorist
Shape Shifter
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Duration:
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2 hours (but it looked like much
longer
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A witness at the Stomp dance relayed
this account to Dana Doubtful:
"I was sitting in the bleachers with the spectators and I felt like I was being watched!"
"After listening to him talk about his vegan diet and his close personal relationship with the face on Mars, I lost all sense of time! I must have passed out from boredom. There's at least 20 minutes I just can't account for!
After a while, I managed to get up and go back to my family. They also reported a sense of losing time when they had listened to this wannaBs message.
He was wearing a purple t-shirt with a wolf on it and a woman's wedding necklace. He had white doeskin fringed leather boots on and a pigeon feather tied to his blond hair. He started talking about earth vibrations and all the Peyote ceremonies he attended. I felt like hours had past, but when I looked at my watch hardly any time had passed! Then he started talking about his high holy leader, Carlos Castaneda. I think I might have lost consciousness for a while. The next thing I remember he was talking about Billy Jack, Chief Dan George, reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee 100 times and Iron Eyes Cody. I can barely think about this! I lost almost 2 hours of my life! I don't want to say anymore. The experience was just too horrible!
"I was sitting in the bleachers with the spectators and I felt like I was being watched!"
"After listening to him talk about his vegan diet and his close personal relationship with the face on Mars, I lost all sense of time! I must have passed out from boredom. There's at least 20 minutes I just can't account for!
After a while, I managed to get up and go back to my family. They also reported a sense of losing time when they had listened to this wannaBs message.
He was wearing a purple t-shirt with a wolf on it and a woman's wedding necklace. He had white doeskin fringed leather boots on and a pigeon feather tied to his blond hair. He started talking about earth vibrations and all the Peyote ceremonies he attended. I felt like hours had past, but when I looked at my watch hardly any time had passed! Then he started talking about his high holy leader, Carlos Castaneda. I think I might have lost consciousness for a while. The next thing I remember he was talking about Billy Jack, Chief Dan George, reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee 100 times and Iron Eyes Cody. I can barely think about this! I lost almost 2 hours of my life! I don't want to say anymore. The experience was just too horrible!
WannaB Sighting Report
#494956
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Occurred:
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42nd Wikwemikong Competition
Powwow
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Reported:
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August 4, 2002
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Posted:
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October 11, 2002
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Location:
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Wikwemikong Thunderbird Park
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Shape:
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extremely long and thin
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Classification:
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Malibu Techno-WannaB
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Duration:
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20 minutes(but it looked like much
longer
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A very forthright and excited witness was anxious to relay her account of her wannaB encounter. Here is her account:
During Grand Entry I kept hearing strange beeping sounds. During the prayer, I looked down and saw this odd creature completely covered in purple. She had on a purple fringed jacked, purple boots and a purple vest and she had a big purple rock around her neck too. She was holding a communication device to her ear and typing into another one at the same time. She called it a blackberry, but I didn't look like anything that I'd ever picked. AAAAYYYEEEE! Anyways, the only thing I could figure was that the cows where she comes from must all be purple. For the entire duration of my encounter this wannaB was only interested in talking to other wannaBs on her communication devices. We couldn't get her to be quiet for the prayer! Aja!
When asked to describe the wannaB the witnessed answered:
She was all stretched out with a very pointy nose, no color in her hair or skin and she didn't have a flat bottom. I don't think she knew the rest of us were even here. She was so into her technology ina? It was as if she was never really here!
All
of the above accounts are true. The names have been changed to protect the
smart asses who reported them.
If you see a wanabee. Be very careful! Approach it cautiously, snap it's photo and send it in and we'll post it here.
Our e-mail: Acorn_Coffee_Club@yahoo.ca
Our e-mail: Acorn_Coffee_Club@yahoo.ca
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that NDN cultural activists, skeptics and other assorted trouble-makers are welcome
to snag anything on this site to use in any way that might annoy the
individuals being satirized here.
